Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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