I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
