90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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