I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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