i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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