Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
