so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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