I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
how drunk are you?
Several
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
