I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
