Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
