When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
