Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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