My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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