so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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