I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
