i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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