Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
