so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
