YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize