im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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