Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
