One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
