here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
