thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
