Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
