Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The uberlube is also flammable
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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