we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you never un-have a 4some
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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