What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
