Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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