sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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