I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
