corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
