i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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