it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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