one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
