did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
