Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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