I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
