I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
