I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
