If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
