Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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