Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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