Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
