I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
