The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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