For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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