Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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