Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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