found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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