are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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