biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
