will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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