I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
