the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
