How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
