So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
