he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
