you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
