i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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