im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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