Define "chronic" masturbator.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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