You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
