Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
