Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
