im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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