my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
