careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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