my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
