mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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