God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
