as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
