the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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