I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
