That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
