This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
